The 16th Second
- ROCK Solid Coaching
- Sep 10, 2023
- 5 min read
In his iconic and deeply intuitive valedictorian speech, Kyle Martin addressed the importance of relationships and personal values moments before accepting his high school diploma. He described how he had worked over the past year to earn his title as valedictorian and the costs associated with that work. There is no doubt that an honor like this requires sacrifice, hard work, and dedication. But at what cost? What are we willing to spend to reach the goals that we have set for ourselves?
Kyle Martin graduated from The Kings Academy in West Palm Beach, FL in 2019 with an astounding 4.64 GPA. He had learned that he was in the running for this accomplishment the year before. Intrinsically, Kyle set his mind to obtaining the title of 2019 valedictorian for his senior class.
Though he worked hardest in his last year, he truly had been working towards this goal his entire academic life. During his senior year, he studied harder, sacrificed more, and learned the most valuable life lesson along the way - the importance of relationships.
When Kyle was announced as the 2019 valedictorian, he recalls feeling elated and proud of his accomplishment - euphoric even...for about 15 seconds. When the 16th second came, he remembers a sense of regret. He couldn't help but think about the relationships that might have suffered as he devoted his time, energy, and effort to his goal. Kyle says,
"Working hard is good. In fact, it's biblical. But it should not be done for the sole purpose of a goal's sake at the expense of relationships with others."
Kyle gave his valedictorian speech on the idea that working towards a goal should never impede on relationships. During his speech, he expressed gratitude to his parents, teachers, and fellow classmates. He encouraged everyone to pay close attention to the relationships that matter most and never neglect them.
Kyle's speech begs the question, how do we achieve our goals without sacrificing the relationships in our lives? How do we get to the 16th second without a feeling of regret?
We believe the answer to this question starts with personal values and bleeds over to the relationships we have with others. The R in ROCK Solid is for Relationships. We believe relationships are foundational and precious. It is our closest relationships that get us through the hardest times. These are the people who laugh when we laugh and cry when we cry. We can work towards what we want only because of the people who are in our life.
In order to refrain from that feeling of regret, we have to know two things. 1. Our personal values - what is most important to us. And 2. The relationships that we value the most - who is most important to us. Let's start with personal values.
In his best-selling book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", Stephen R. Covey states "Private victory precedes public victory." This means, if you want to win/succeed/thrive in the world, you must first win/succeed/thrive within yourself. A good way to do this is to identify your personal values and allow them to guide you through your life. With our personal values serving as the compass in our life, our journey begins to have true meaning.
We each have values and they will dictate where we put our focus. We will make time for what we find to be important. Identifying our values is paramount to our growth as individuals.
So how do we do that? How do we identify the values we have and allow them to guide our way through life? With the leadership development coaching industry exploding, we may have a solid answer for that.
Coaching gives you a perspective that you may not be able to gain on your own. ROCK Solid has a Values Analysis process that will quickly identify your individual values and ensure that your goals are aligned with those values. Continued coaching will give you the skills to operate within those values. Here's an example:
We recently worked with a client that we will call Joe for the sake of anonymity in this story. Together, we identified one of Joe’s core values as gratitude. We explored exactly what gratitude looked and felt like to Joe. Then we identified where Joe was practicing gratitude in his day-to-day life. Finally, we helped Joe set some goals and made sure that they all lined up with gratitude and his other core values.
During a coaching session, Joe began to complain about a coworker. He loved his job, but this one coworker really got under his skin. Remembering his values analysis, our coaching question was “What are some ways that you could be grateful for this coworker and what they bring to the table?” As you can guess, Joe thought about it. This line of questioning opened Joe’s mind and allowed him to explore some positive traits that this coworker possessed.
When we utilize our values in this way, it allows up to line up our thoughts and actions so that we can navigate through life without violating these values. When we become value-centered and identity-grounded, people will see us differently.
Which brings us to our second topic: Relationships - who is most important to us? You’ve probably heard the old adage, “It’s lonely at the top.” We are here to tell you, it doesn’t have to be! Relationships are a must for everyone, especially leaders.
One of our big coaching questions is “Who are you going to take with you?” This is a relationship-based question. And the more in-depth version is “Who are you going to take with you when you are more successful than you have ever imagined?” There are some obvious answers to this question - spouse, children, family, business partners - to name a few.
Good leaders have a very specific answer to this question. They know exactly who will be on their team when they get to the top. This is truly something that you have to start thinking about now. Part of the leadership mentality is seeing your success before you ever get there.
So think about it. Who are the most important people in your life? Are you currently doing anything that could possibly take away from those relationships? What are you doing to feed those relationships and allow them to grow?
ROCK Solid Coaching has some tools that will enhance your closest relationships and make them even more meaningful. We are experts at building, maintaining, and enhancing the relationships that are most important to you. Remember: trust takes time and verification. The relationships that you nurture today will be the strongest and most important ones for you tomorrow.
If you’d like to know more about any of this, we’d love to talk with you! You can book a consultation right on our website. It’s our job to get you to where you want to be faster than you could ever imagine on your own. Let us do that! Here’s a link to schedule a FREE 30-minute chat with us. Hope to see you soon! ROCK Strong!
In this blog, we mentioned one of our favorite books, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. If you’ve never heard of this book, we STRONGLY encourage you to check it out. We’ve included a link below. It might just change your life…
You can check out Kyle Martin’s valedictorian speech for yourself. We put the links here: